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Glossary of Business TermsHirearchy Shit rolls down hillFlexible Willing to work overtime/take work home for no extra payOpportunity for Advancement There’s no hope of ever getting a promotion.Dynamic Loud mouthed bull shitter/business narcissist.Team player Taking One for the “team” – dogsbody that virtually does the work that the manager should be doing.Equal Opportunities Policy Legal Discrimination – a means for an employer to choose who he wants to interview.Psychometric Testing See Equal Opportunities PolicyMust be Self-Sufficient Don’t expect any help from anybodyNetworking Making friends with people you otherwise would never talk to in order to get a new job. It’s not what you know it’s who you know.Pro Rata The Big Latin con meaning – We shall tease you with the idea of £24K (but that is only if you were full time, this position is only for 10 hours a week).OTE You COULD earn this if you meet your targets – however we shall pay you a shit wage until you do and if you don’t meet them you’re fired anyway.Recruitment Consultant Glorified Secretary - someone who talks down to people who are more qualified than themselves then sends you to work as a night time shelf stacker in Sainsburys or cold calling in a call centre sellingdouble glazing.Receptionist Excellent Eye-CandyOffice Junior You lick the Receptionist’s boots, lowest of the office hierarchy.Managing Director Never in the office, he is usually fat, lazy, plays golf all day, has a very big black or silver car, invents all the office buzzwords.Overtime Office style DetentionSalary A means to not give you any overtime payments.The Job Centre The afterlife for the fired and the redundant.The Office Christmas Party A team building exercise in disguise.Form A piece of paper or booklet which accompanies red-tape and gives you terrible writer’s cramp! Aka: A waste of your precious time!Pension Something you won’t see until you’re 70 if you’re lucky unless your company goes bust, in that case something you will never see at all.Benefits See opportunity for advancement for best description– in layman’s terms: dangling a carrot in front of a donkey. Or something you receive in the afterlife for the fired and the redundant.Holiday Something you have to beg for.Promotion Payment for office prostitution, or for a better word, the reward for shagging the boss.Statutory Sick Pay or SSP Money you will receive from your employer as a courtesy payment before he sacks you for catching the flu and “letting the team down” with your absence.State Pension A pittance that poor old people receive so that they can barely keep themselves warm in winter.Highly Motivated/Enthusiastic Desperate!Simplification To complicate mattersMarketing The corporate spyGoing Postal Killing your employers for sacking you or for refusing that pay increase.Suicide Jumping off the office building because you did not meet your targets this year.Secretary Person who runs the office when the boss is playing golf.Administrator A human-machine that keeps the red tape rolling.Data Inputter Human-machine that logs the personal information about clients/businesses collected by the corporate spy.Blagging Verbally backing up the lies on your CV in an interview.Curriculum Vitae/CV An interesting read for anyone likes fiction.CV Checker Someone who writes your CV for you – aka a biographer.Working Lunch A trip to pub.Customer Service Ways to be rude to a customer in the politest way possible.Complaints Department The RANT office.Human Resources The people who read your CV and decide who to interview. See also Pyschometric Testing and Equal Opportunities Policy for more information.Photocopier A means to check your bum for cellulite when no one’s looking.Coffee The large container of Nescafe laced with Speed, usually fed to workers who need to keep their eyes open during the partaking of mundane daily tasks.